Oxnard, California 1961, The Way it Was....

Click here Oxnard, California, 1961.

I was in 8th grade when this was filmed. Not everyone in 1961 Oxnard had it as good as me. But, still....it was great place to grow up.

My Family of Origin..

My family of origin was not perfect. There were flair ups of temper, problems with anxiety, chronic illness, money issues, misunderstandings, and anger. I dislike the word dysfunctional, so I never use it to describe my family. Dysfunctional is the opposite of functional. To me, this means a family who does not provide for the basics of life to their children. Such things as, food, shelter, and support. A dysfunctional family NEVER achieves center field. This family always remains in the outfield never catching the ball. This analogy is simple. An example of an outfield family could participate in child abuse, incest, alcoholism, and violence, never achieving balance. Notice I said, NEVER achieving balance. In the very worst of family situations, healing can take place. Even the most terrible problems can get better with repentance and forgiveness.

In general, the use of dysfunctional in describing a family is overused and often, incorrect. Dysfunctional means something that does not work...at all. Well, even though my family of origin had more than its share of problems, I have never felt that I came from a dysfunctional family. I feel that I came from a disjointed family.

The term dysfunctional gives the feeling that a family was completely unsuccessful. On the other hand, a disjointed family is one that lacks unity and cohesion or the inability to come together as a single unit. This is how I would describe my family.

When a man and woman come together in marriage and start a family, I feel usually they have good intent. I do not believe that parents deliver children for the sole purpose of making them miserable. I don't feel that when a couple says "I do," they come together with the intent of destroying their love and respect. If this does happen it basically occurs from the inability to cope. Or, the skills that one uses to offset the disadvantages of everyday life. Some people are just better at offsetting or coping.

Am I so naive to think that dysfunctional family's do not exist? Of course not. I am saying, my family of origin was not one of them. We were disjointed.

My family had to deal with long separations, opposition, frequent dislocation, chronic illness, mental illness, miscommunication and at times, poverty. Yet, our family was very successful in meeting goals and offering security. We were a small internal group of four. Most of my life I felt that love was abundant. However, I feel that we often functioned without cohesion. I never felt that I was going to starve, or that I would not have my physical needs met. Yet at times, I did feel that arguments and disagreements encouraged a lack of cohesion. The outcome of this lack of cohesion strained relationships which remain to this day.

So, what are the positive outcomes in which I feel my family was successful:

A strong work ethic
The meeting of financial goals
Instilling the importance of education
Protection
Teaching money management
Defence against outsiders who tried negatively to influence a family member
Strategic planning
Sharing for the common good
Generosity
Belief in God
Care for others
Good nutrition
Financial support
Personal responsibility
The sense of not giving up because something is hard, or endurance and perseverance.

There are many more that I could list. However, these specific positive outcomes have remained with me until this day. Therefore, even though disjointed, I feel that our family was successful. As I have grown older, I have accepted that the perfect family does not exist. It is a figment of unreality. I do not hold my parents to a higher standard or hold them more accountable than I hold myself. I feel that it is necessary to focus on the good which parents do. Focusing only on the negative leads to distortion and often confusion of facts. Often with time, more distortion takes place. This means facts give way to inaccurate perceptions.

Once when I was suffering from a personal pity party, a friend enlightened me. He explained, if your parents did nothing at all but to give you existence, then you were fortunate. Life is better than no life. So, when one views life at such a basic level, all families incur some success.

I feel that my family was more than successful, and that I was more than fortunate. The law of relativity always wins. Whenever I am in doubt, the law of relativity gives me a new perspective. Offsetting the disadvantages of life is a life long learning process. Therefore, one can choose to cope with what one has been given, or use the easier method of the blame game. Since I have tried both, I have found the development of offsetting offers greater gain. It simply works better. Offsetting offers new light and a brighter personal world.

Most, although not all of my disadvantages and problems in life, have come from poor personal choices and decisions. No one held a gun to my head and forced me to marry at age 18. I made this choice much to the chagrin of my parents. This one decision has led to more personal unhappiness and more unhappiness for my children than anything my parents could ever be held responsible. Personal responsibility is a measure of maturity and personal growth.

I'm still growing.

The First Few Years.....

POLLY...

I really don't remember much before the age of four. Although, every once in a while I receive a glimpse of a memory when I was much younger. These are a few my first memories.

Being dressed up like a gypsy and going Trick or Treating with my Daddy. According to my Mother, I was about 2-3 years old. I can remember the brightly colored sequined head scarf, the yellow vest, and red skirt which was covered in multi colored sequins. I got very tired and towards the end of the evening, my Dad carried me home. I remember resting my head in the crest of his neck and smelling his Old Spice after shave. Daddy had a strange walk, or gait. He seemed to have a slight limp. When he would take step forward one foot seemed to drag the pavement. Even though I was young, I recognised that there was something wrong with his walk. Little did I know, that this was one of the first symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis of which he suffered.

Being in my parents bed suffering from a very painful earache. I remember the room, the window curtains and everything that was on the top of my Mom's dresser. I remember looking at a beautiful bottle of perfume and thinking I want a pretty bottle like that someday. This pretty bottle held my Mother's signature scent...Shalimar. I liked being in my parents bed because it was "cool." I was running a high fever and the cool sheets felt good to my hot skin. My Mother says that this memory took place when I was about two. She remembers my earache and how helpless she felt. The only pain relief she had to offer me was warm Sweet Oil which she dripped into my ear. She told me that this happened on a Sunday. She had to wait until the next day to take me to the doctor as there was no place to take me for treatment that night.

I remember hiding under the canvas that covered my brothers bike. The bike was stored on our front porch in Norfolk, VA. I had a very small record player which only played small 38 children's records. My favorite songs were All Through The Night and the Mice Song from Cinderella. My favorite doll was named Polly. She was a Mama doll, which meant that when I tipped her over, she cried Mama. She had blue glass eyes. She had a hand painted face. She had pink cheeks and red lips. To me, she was beautiful. She wore a beautiful embroidered, pink smocked, satin dress, a matching bonnet, and lace edged socks with little leather shoes. To this day, Polly remains my favorite doll. Santa brought Polly to me on my third Christmas.

My Daddy was gone for long periods. He was in the Navy. My Mom was a great cook. She always made heart shaped homemade cakes for my birthday.I was able to entertain myself easily. I had a great imagination and enjoyed playing by myself. My Mom was always busy cooking, baking, washing, and ironing. I was always at her feet playing. I remember that we talked and sang. But, I never remember playing with her. I think she was just too busy trying to take care of us alone. We had a wringer washing machine which was kept on the back porch. She used to keep me in a chair by using a towel tied around my waist. We didn't have a fence and she was fearful that I would get lost. She often mentions that she was fearful of getting her fingers caught in the wringer.

To me, my Mother was beautiful. I thought she was a "movie star." I was convinced that she secretly made movies. Every once in a while our family would go to a movie. I remember saying, "Oh Mama, you are so beautiful." She didn't know that I thought the brunette actress in the film was her.

All of my early memories are sweet. As I have grown, I have learned that I was a fortunate little girl. My parents loved me, and I knew it.

Christ Like Love...

Deception Pass Bridge, Whidbey Island, Washington

My son, Mark died while we were living in Puerto Rico. This post is not about his death. It is about the greatest act of Christian Love that I have ever experienced.

Within weeks of Mark's death, we were granted the privilege of moving to the office of our choice. Actually, we were asked to give three choices. This offer came from the organization of which my then husband was employed. Mark's death was the first traumatic death suffered by a child of a NCIS family who was "positioned" outside of the US. The normal and expected emergency care offered in the US was not available to Mark. I feel this was the only reason that our family was granted this opportunity. For whatever reason, I was very grateful the move was initiated. We chose Whidbey Island, Washington as our first choice for assignment. We felt that this beautiful, peaceful, small community would help our little family heal from Mark's untimely, and completely unexpected death.

Today, I want to give honor to a true Christian family. I don't remember their name. In not remembering is my own neglect and sin.

This is their story.

There were only three Agents assigned to the Naval Station on Whidbey Island. In order for us to move to this beautiful place, another family had to leave. This is exactly what happened. A family was asked to leave their beautiful home and accept an untimely, and unwanted move. Their children were asked to leave their schools and friends in order to accommodate our grieving family. This family could have fought this move and probably could have stayed on Whidbey. But, they didn't. This family moved willingly and without complaint. This supreme act of kindness was offered to a family whom they didn't even know. The only information they had was that we were suffering, grieving, and broken. This family gave us a gift of true compassion. In return, they suffered sacrifice and hardship.

This happened over 30 years ago. At the time, I was overwhelmed with sorrow and grief. But still, this did not warrant my lack of appreciation.

Today, I want to say thank you. I pray that through the Grace of Jesus Christ that someone in this wonderful family will come across this post. To this dear NCIS family, I want to say:

Please know how much I appreciate the hardship that you endured for my family. I am sorry it has taken me so long to acknowledge all that you suffered on behalf of my family. I recognise and acknowledge your gift of true compassion. I want you to know that I surrender to your act of selflessness. I know my words of gratitude are late and far to small compared to the Christ Like Love that you so willing offered us. For too long, I have been neglectful in expressing my deep gratitude. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. Although, I know through your deep Christian faith, you already have. As for me, it is necessary to make this request. I pray with all my heart that you are well and blessed.

How I Learned About Sex

It was not earth shattering. Although, what and how the information was given definitely impacted my life for the better.

I was 13. I was in the 7th grade. I was walking home from school with my girl friend, Toni. She asked me if I knew where babies came from. Of course, I said. A man and a woman get married. Then God blesses them with a baby. I believed in the immaculate conception.

Well, Toni told me that her big sister had told her the real story. Then Toni told me the real story.

In the early 1960's, most mothers did not work outside of the home. For one good reason. No family owned two cars and the words mass transportation did not exist in Oxnard.

For me, everyday after school was the same. For one hour, I practiced the piano. Then, I set the table for dinner, and then I started ironing. Perma press did not exist. Every piece of cloth was ironed including pillow cases, sheets, and tea towels. (Dish Towels) I ironed while my mom cooked dinner....from scratch. My Mom cooked for at least 2 hours every evening. Then we ate dinner as a family. After dinner, my mom washed the dishes and I dried and put the dishes away. This usually took about an hour. For one hour every single day, I had my mother's undivided attention. After dishes, it was homework. If I finished my homework before bedtime, which was 9PM, I was able to watch TV. This was my life out side of school during the week.

Anyway, it was doing the dinner dishes that I told my Mother what my friend had said about babies. I remember my Mother taking a very deep breath, and then saying, "What Toni told you is true." I remember my response as though it was yesterday. I said, YOU AND DADDY DO THAT? She said, yes. Then she explained sex between a married man and woman. She used absolutely correct terminology. At the end, she took my hands, held them to her face and said, "Sex is for married people only." I asked why? Again, I remember her exact words. She said, "Sex before marriage complicates your life, and takes away your childhood. As soon as a girl has sex, she is no longer a child, but a woman and a grown up." These two sentences really made a difference in my life.

I believed every word my Mom ever told me. I had compete trust in her. Therefore, that very evening when I was 13, I made a decision. Simply, I would not have sex before marriage. I sure did not want my life to be complicated and I sure didn't want to give up my child or teen status. After watching my Mom and Dad put in the hours that were necessary to provide for our family, I sure didn't want to be grown up. I simply was not interested in working that hard.

That was it. Two sentences from my mother. That was all. I remained a virgin until my wedding night. Actually, after my honeymoon, I decided I wasn't ready to be grown up then! 18 is too young to get married, then and now!

My folks worked very hard. Not just providing for the family, but everyday living required so much. Just think, no micro waves, no cable TV or computers, no video games, no dishwashers, no cell phones, no fast food, and no packaged food. Every thing required time and work. But, what I did have can never be replaced. When I was home, I had my parents attention. Life was very busy doing just the necessities, yet it was so much slower and simpler. I think it was better.

I was not able to tell one of my four children where babies came from. The school did it for me....without my permission. To this day, this makes me sad.

A Little About Me...

I was born in Idaho Falls, Idaho. I share the same first name as the 1950's star, Lana Turner. We share the same birth date and the same birth state. I always thought this a little weird. Anyway, I was born to great parents whom I love deeply. My Dad was a Naval Officer, of the Greatest Generation. My Mom was a multi talented homemaker.

I was raised in PA, VA, Panama, and California. I have many fond memories of each place that I called home. I remember the cold winters and tricker treating in PA, the beautiful beaches of VA, and the golden days of supreme happiness in Panama. I relate Califronia to my wonderful friends, High School, College, white beaches and the birth of my first two children.

I have lived in various countrys, and in different parts of the United States. All hold memories that are dear and treasured to my heart. I have enjoyed the company of good friends, children, my mom, and wonderful dear pets.

My first blog signature was mom2wendy. This signature continues to hold sweetness to me. However, as I was entertaining the idea of starting a new blog, I found that this sweet name was limiting. My greatest role that has brought me my greatest joy is that of being a Mother. As I look back on my life, I found that I have not only mothered four children, but also dear pets, and now my own beloved Mother. Therefore, I decided to expand my signature to include all who are dear to my heart. In the near future, perhaps all will visit the "LakeLady."

The focus of this blog will be all things positive. My intent is to write about all the happy times of which I expierenced many. When I reached past the age of 60 and suddenly 70 becomes the next decade, I decided that now is the time to sit down and write my story. I named my blog To The Lake Go, I. For indeed, this will be the beginning of my next epic journey. The description of this blog is the The Epic Of A Tired Lady, for indeed, I am. My hope is to detail some of the epic adventures of my life, of which there too have been many.

Therefore, with a deep breath, I begin.

My Epic...

This blog belongs to me. It is for me, and about me. I have found that blogging is not only a healthy outlet for feelings and emotions, but also a great hobby. I have always loved reading and writing. I remember everything about First Grade and my wonderful teacher, Mrs. Foresight. She taught me to read, Dick and Jane. During our reading circle, I became friends with Puff, Spot and Sally. So much so that I have collected almost every Dick and Jane Book available. Each time I open one, I am taken back to a time in my life that was uncomplicated. It was a happy time filled with wonder for each new day. My cat, Tinkerbell, who was really a male cat, and I spent hours together curled up in a chair with a book. Tinkerbell would sit on my lap not moving as long as I was reading out loud. Books, and school were the center point of my life for years. As I have grown, finished with my education and my career, books still remain a pivotal part of my existence.

Starting this blog is going to be another essential part of my life. For the first time, I am going to take the time to focus on me, my dreams, my desires, and my hopes. Through this travel I hope to gain some insight into myself, my world, my feelings and my relationships.

It will take some time for me to build this blog. It will be slow going at first. Altough, I feel the journey will be exciting.